A Day in the Life of Wally
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the average Raccoon does on an average day in the not so “average” Killingsworth household? Well… THIS RACCOON GOES THROUGH HOURS OF VIGOROUS ABUSE, X RATED MATERIAL, and lest we forget… grapes. FINISHED
1. Good Morning, Wally

Have you ever wondered what the average Raccoon does on an average day in the not so "average" Killingsworth household? Well… THIS RACCOON GOES THROUGH HOURS OF VIGOROUS ABUSE, X- RATED MATERIAL, and lest we forget… grapes. So let's take one small step for mankind! Into a day in the life of Wally.

* * *

Wally woke from his place on the worn, wool mat. Looking up to the sun bathed window panes, his eyes filled with joy, freedom and hope. Then realizing his wherabouts, he groaned. With a heavy sigh, he pulled himself off of the mat, ready for another day in the life of Wally. Scrambling down the hall, he watched as a leopard pantleg emerged from the room.

Oh no. He watched as the girl stepped out and closed the bedroom door behind her. He shuddered. Maybe if he stayed very still… But as always, it never worked.

"WALLY!" The girl cooed, her evil dark eyes descending down on him. Before he could scramble away, she scooped him up into her arms and commenced to smother him in lip gloss.

"Foolish human", he muttered, his eyes narrowing. However, it was in his native tongue and she took it to be, "Feed me grapes until I burst", so that was exactly what she did. About five minutes later, she finally stuffed the last grape in.

"Damn! We ran out"

He sighed in relief.

"But I'll ask Collin to pick up more on the way home from school!"

His eyes widened with the thought of more grapes.

"No! No!"

"I _know_ you want more!"

"No!"

"Wally!" She scolded him.

"Relax", Collin laughed as he walked into the kitchen, surf board in hand. "This'll shut him up".

And before Wally could say a word, Collin stuffed a rotten apple in his mouth.

"Mmmmmph! Mmmmmph!" Wally protested, but his desperate cries were unheard as he watched them stroll out of the front door and into Collin's car.


	2. Kitchen Sex

Wally sighed in pure bliss as he rolled over on Mr. Killingsworth's soft mattress. It was much better than the coarse mat that they gave him to sleep on. He chuckled to himself as he watched Pocahontas. That Meeko was something else…

_Ding Dong_

He groaned at the doorbell. Why did they constantly torment him? Did it _amuse_ them that he didn't have any hands? He finally heard a key turn in the door and his tormentor's voice rang out through the hall.

"Finally. It seemed like we were driving forever". He could hear a few thumps upon the hardwood floor. "You can put the grapes on the table".

Wally winced.

"Is your dad home?"

Oh no. He knew that voice. It could only mean one thing. He had to run. And fast.

"Wally!" Serena called for him.

As quietly as he could, he crept from the room.

"Oh Wally!" She was getting closer.

He crept into the bathroom.

"Wally? Where arrrreeee you?!"

He sighed, relieved, as she walked past the bathroom. Racing for freedom, he made his way through the dining room, into the kitchen, to the back door and-

"I found him!"

Right into a pair of K. Swiss.

"There you are". Serena walked into the room.

Wally hurried effortlessly to get away, but was only scooped up into the boy's arms. Serena neared them, blocking his only means of escape. Great. Now he was caught in the crossfire.

"I brought your grapes", she crooned.

His eyes took a hopeful light. Maybe they would feed him grapes together. Anything was better than…

"We'll save them for later". The boy leaned over to whisper something in her ear, and Wally groaned as the romantic theme to Pocahontas began to play. Damn. Betrayed by Disney. His eyes bulged out as they came together in a passionate kiss. He struggled to escape them, but they only drew in closer. Then when he had finally given up any hope that his head _wouldn't_ explode, they parted. Hopefully, they would retreat to the bedroom and give him time to escape, but as usual, they pushed everything off of the kitchen counter and commenced to do the unfathomable. Wally yelped as a pound of sugar and a few spoons fell on his head. He gasped assome knives barely missed his scalp. A ton of Dawn dish soap fell, sending him sliding across the floor and a bottle of whiskey poured down, emersing him in alcohol heaven.

_Hiccup_, he breathed as he pranced across the blue, tiled floor. Piles of Abercrombie and Hot Topic clothing were tossed at him. Oh yeah. He was stylin now. He shook his fist at them as a Trojan pack came sailing at his head. One of these days. One of these days.

"Excuse me!" He shouted at them. They didn't even hesitate.

"Hey, you!" They continued to tongue tie without a care in the world.

Wally's eyes glowed red. He would NOT be ignored. Lifting a saucer from the kitchen sink, he tossed it at the boy's head.

"Aug!"

Wally chuckled maniacally as he watched the boy hold his pounding head.

"Wally!" Serena shouted. He watched as she jumped off of the counter only to slip in a river of Dawn.

"AGH!" She screamed as she slid across the yellow liquid. Finally, she rammed back into the counter, sending both her and her lover toppling over the edge.

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA! FOOLISH MORTALS!", he mumbled. Of course, being the simpleminded idiots that they were, they took it to be "Feed me grapes until I burst" in cute- raccoon- talk.

"He just wants his grapes", Serena muttered and pulled herself off of the floor. Her bra and panties were covered in a mix of Dawn, sugar, and whiskey, as well as a few pieces of silverware.

"Don't you spoil that thing?" The boy asked, still rubbing at his shaggy, blonde bangs.

"But he's so SWEET!" Serena crooned and started to squeeze Wally's cheeks while spouting out idiotic baby talk. She winced as Wally sunk his teeth into her finger.

"OUCH!"

"Oh, he's sweet alright", the boy smirked sarcastically.

"Oh, shut up", Serena laughed playfully and walked into the living room. She returned with a bag of grapes, the green kind. Green. He despised green. Then, eager to return to her love- making session, she stuffed a handful down his throat. His eyes widened when he came across something hard.

"Seeds!" He shrieked.

"Oh, he likes them!"

"You should buy that kind more often". The boy smirked from the counter. Wally glared at him. It was times like this that he wished he had a middle finger. Sometimes, he could swear that the boy knew exactly how much he was torturing him. He just never let on.

"Seeds!" Wally tried once more at a desperate attempt to stay alive. He reached for dear life as he began to slip into darkness.

"Oh, look! He's sleeping!"

The boy gave a low chuckle from the counter.

Wally let out one last cough before descending into a void of darkness.


	3. NO GRAPES!

_Thwack_

"Aiiieee", Wally screamed as a surf board went smack upside his head. He looked up from his slumber to see Collin's angry face.

"What's going on here?" He followed the human's stare to a more than half- naked Serena and Stanton, now somewhere between lying in the sink and on top of the microwave.

"How many times have I told you?! Don't fuck in the kitchen!"

"Yeah!" Wally agreed, but before he could say another word, Collin stuffed an apple into his mouth.

"You made this mess?" Collin asked.

Serena sighed, her face a scarlet red. "It was-"

"Wally", the boy interrupted.

Wally's ears perked up. He say what?

"It was Wally", the boy repeated, before looking down to smirk at the raccoon.

"Oh, no you didn't!" Wally snapped his fingers.

"No, Wally". Collin responded to an unasked question. "No grapes for you"

"Thank God", Wally said a prayer to the heavens above.

"I said no grapes!" Collin roared. "Is this true, Serena?"

Serena just shrugged, whistled, and looked the other way.

"That's it, Wally" Collin reached for him. "You're going in the cage"

"Oh no! Anything but the cage!"

"I said NO GRAPES!"

Wally bit him and sprinted for the kitchen door. He ran through the boy's legs, who tripped and fell into the stove.

"AUG!"

"Heheheheh", Wally chuckled at his shrill cries. His eyes lit as he reached the front door. Finally, he would be free. Jumping through the dog door, he ran out into the night. He sighed as the autumn breeze caressed his fur. Now he could truly paint with all the colors of the wind.

"Wally"

His eyes widened.

"What are you doing outside?"

He started to cry as the black- haired one with the teardrop tattoo picked him up.

"He looks so sad", the Goddess- like, sunshine- haired one exclaimed. He flinched as the one with the long, dark hair and diamond belly ring, massaged his fur.

"Put me down!" He scolded them.

"Grapes!" They all beamed together and walked towards the house. He groaned. What was wrong with these humans? Was that their solution for _everything_?

"What are _you_ doing here, Stanton?" Bellyring asked.

Stanton stepped out of the house, a towel wrapped over his bare ass. The towel hiked up for a second and Wally could see the mark where the stove had burnt him.

"I was just leaving". He turned to Wally. "Shouldn't you be in the cage?"

Wally glared at him.

"Why would he be in the cage?" Teardrop challenged.

"Oh, Wally's been a very bad raccoon"

"Wally", exclaimed Sunshine. "How COULD you?!"

"_You_ were probably just trippin". Teardrop defended him. Wally watched as they exchanged silent threats. He layed back against her bosom. Any enemy of Stanton's was a friend of his.

"Wally!" Collin roared. When he found him, he grabbed him by the tail and tossed him in a cage in his room. Wally sighed as he watched the television.

"YOU'RE WATCHING THE SURF CHANNEL, DUUUUUUUUUDES! ALL SURFIIIIING! ALL THE FRICKEN TIIIIIIME!"

After a few minutes, Wally began to doze off into a land of happiness, bliss, and most importantly, no love- making rendezvous with Stanton in the kitchen. He was just beginning to get to second base with Meeko when:

_Thump_

He was abruptly awoken from his slumber.

"Where is it?" A girl's voice asked.

"Don't ask me, Cassandra", a sarcastic voice of a boy, traveled throughout the room. "This was your idea".

"And it's perfect!" She crooned. "Once I kidnap Serena's pet raccoon, Stanton will have no choice but to succumb to me"

"Cassandra?"

"Yes?"

"That's just stupid"

"Yeah!" Wally agreed. Serena didn't care nearly enough about him to give up that male whore that had destroyed the kitchen earlier.

"I think it wants some grapes"

Wally groaned.

"Did you bring the stash?"

"Yep!" Cassandra pulled a bag of grapes out of her purse. Green as always. He grimaced as the boy stuffed them down his throat.

"Stanton won't care, you know? He's hated that thing ever since it peed on his cape".

_That was his_? Wally thought. He thought it was just an ugly Halloween costume. He chuckled, glad that he had caused the man trouble.

"Did you hear that? It's crying! Maybe we shouldn't take it".

Wally's eyes widened. Were they kidding? No place could be worse than here. He wanted to leave as soon as possible and if this was his ticket then so be it. "Take me!" He begged.

"He's so SAD!"

"TAKE ME DAMMIT!"

"Nonsense, Tymmie!" Cassandra argued. "You're such a softie. Now do you want your money or not?"

"I guess". The boy shrugged, tore open the cage, and took the raccoon in his arms. Wally whooped and did a happy dance. Unfortunately for him, he slipped and tumbled into the door.

"Owiiiie" He moaned. Then, out of the blue, Serena rushed into the room with not a moment to lose and held out her moon amulet. "Cassandra! Tymmie! What are you doing here?"

"Later, babe", Tymmie said hurriedly and dashed out of the room.

"TYMMIE GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE OR I'LL-" The door slammed leaving her all alone. "Well… ah… I'm here for the raccoon"

"Well you can't have him"

"NO!" Wally wailed.

"Don't worry, Wally. I won't let her take you".

"But I wanna go!"

"Grapes. Grapes. Grapes. Is that all you ever think about?" And with that she began to chant, her magic building with ever second.

"DAMN WITCH!" Wally cursed.

"NO GRAPES!" She responded idiotically.

He watched as Serena sent Cassandra sailing across the room and finally the girl fell unconscious to the floor. He sighed desolately when she tossed her out of the two story window and turned on him. She smiled and wrapped him in a bear hug.

"Oh, Wally. I'll love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…

* * *

"… and ever and ever".

He sighed in relief.

"And a day"

The bell rung downstairs and he winced. Who could possibly be up this early on a Wednesday? He watched in sheer terror as Stanton ascended the stairs with a suitcase.

"Good morning, my love"

"Hey, baby"

Wally gagged.

"I need to move in for a couple of weeks. I'm having some problems in Nefandus"

"NOOOO!" Wally wailed only to have a grape stuffed in his mouth.

"Of course! You can sleep in Wally's room!"

Wally was crying now.

"See how happy he is?!"

Wally glared at her.

"Oh", Stanton sat his luggage down and plopped down on the bed. Running his hands over Wally's fur, he smirked evilly. "I'm sure we'll get along just fine".

Wally groaned and he knew that itwas time for himto prepare for yetanother day in the life of Wally.


End file.
